


Confessions

by flowersforgraves



Series: hc_bingo round 8 [21]
Category: Imperial Radch Series - Ann Leckie
Genre: Community: hc_bingo, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 01:09:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13283724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersforgraves/pseuds/flowersforgraves
Summary: In which Seivarden does her best, even if that isn't very good.prompt: branding





	Confessions

“What’s this?” Ekalu presses her lips to the inside of Seivarden’s wrist. “I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

Seivarden stiffens when Ekalu runs her ungloved fingers over the scarring on her forearm. “Nothing,” she says shortly.

“Does it mean something to you?” Ekalu asks, oblivious to Seivarden’s mood. 

She pulls away from her lover. “I don’t want to talk about this,” she says. “Do you want to have sex again, or not?”

Ekalu sits up. “No,” she says, “I don’t think so.”

As she’s pulling on her gloves and duty uniform, she says, “You know, you don’t always have to do this alone.”

After Ekalu is gone, Seivarden stares after her. “Yes,” she says to herself. “I do.”

“No,” _Mercy of Kalr_ says in Seivarden’s ear, “you don’t.”

She jumps. “Aatr’s tits, Ship!”

If _Mercy of Kalr_ could smile, it would. “Did that startle you, Lieutenant? That wasn’t my intention.”

Seivarden swears again. “Ship,” she says, slowly, “I don’t know how to tell Ekalu about the kef. I don’t want her to know, in case she thinks less of me, but I have to tell her because I want her to know _me_ and not her idea of me.”

_Mercy of Kalr_ doesn’t say anything for a moment. “Lieutenant Ekalu is not likely going to judge you for it,” it says. 

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Seivarden insists. “I just -- she asked about the brand,” she says. “I don’t want to talk about the brand.”

“The brand,” Ship says blandly, an invitation for Seivarden to elaborate.

“On Nilt,” she says. “I… made some bad choices,” and she laughs a little, because what has her life been if not bad choice after bad choice, “and I stole some things, and they caught me. They’re not Radchaai, there,” and here Radchaai meant civilised, “so they branded me a thief and liar.”

She laughs bitterly. “I suppose it was for the best that Breq found me when she did,” she says. “I couldn’t have gotten far on my own, not with that brand.”

“Does the Fleet Captain know about the brand?” Ship asks.

“Yes,” Seivarden says. “I don’t think there’s anything she _doesn’t_ know about me.”

“And you want Lieutenant Ekalu to know this about you too?”

“Yes. I don’t think it’s fair to keep it from her when she’s already curious.” Seivarden rubs her hand over her hair. “I just don’t know _how_.”

A wry note enters _Mercy of Kalr’_ s transmission. “Have you tried talking to her?”

Seivarden snorts. “No, I guess not,” she says. “But I’m -- I’m nervous, Ship. What if she decides to treat me like --” She cuts herself off.

“Like you used to treat citizens you didn’t approve of?” Ship asks.

“Yes,” she says again. “I… I was really an awful person, wasn’t I.”

“You’re working on it,” Ship tells her. “Ekalu won’t treat you like that.”

“That’s because she’s better than me,” Seivarden says, and great, now she’s spiralling. “Sorry, Ship. Thank you for talking with me. I think I’m going to go see Medic now.”

“Of course,” Ship says, and leaves her be.


End file.
